Life can be Trying or Telling

I have had a dear friend today tell me she has deleted me from her friends list on facebook. Although this hurts and I have spent the day reliving childhood abandonment issues, as I prepare for bed, I believe I have found some peace. I realize she is simply in pain as she believes I pay more attention to others than to her. While this may or may not be true, and while the “truth”of it varies from day to day,and week to week, I do love her. And if she is in such fear that a lack of posts to her wall can trigger her need to end our relationship, then her fear is so great that even if I posted to her wall daily, the issue would find another way to surface. I have asked her to phone me, or to message me to phone her. Aside from that, I must let the issue go, say a prayer for her peace, and allow her to work through her issue in her time. To believe it is my issue would be to take on a guilt I do not truly own. Am I sporadic with my keeping in touch with my friends? Emphatically, yes, I have had more than one friend pick up the phone and say “Hey, Biotch, wassup? We don’t speak anymore?” And we have shared a laugh and I have issued an apology…..Have any of my friends ever “deleted” me before because of this flaw of mine? No. I have just began a journey by opening my own business where I will HAVE to learn to follow up, follow through, return calls, or face the failure of my life’s dream. And having friends who gently remind me when I am being thoughtless, or getting lost in my own world will be invaluable to me. Having a friend willing to delete me from their life for not living up to their expectations, instead of calling me to discuss it, serves no purpose, except to teach me that not everyone who sees my guilt is correct, and it is my choice whether I accept it or not. And in this case, with all due love to all parties concerned, I declare myself innocent.

About Shekina

N.E. Calgary, Alberta
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